As a mother of two boys I dread this title.

And I hope to god that me and my boys gracefully evade it.

Some might find it odd that I don't aspire to be the constant center of attention in their eyes. But for me, the contrary is odd and fundamentally conflicting since my love for them is too profound to prioritize my insecurities over their well-being.

And this belief isn’t new.

I have held it long before I became a mama and always wondered why a person who claims to love her children so dearly becomes a reason for disharmony in their lives.

But why am I writing about it now?

While the over-possessive, insecure mother phenomenon isn’t new, its enormity struck me last night when I was reading a paper on the leading causes of divorce. And she sat happily somewhere at the top!

What’s with the mothers?

Before I share my “sacrilegious views” I would like to state that I love and absolutely adore and revere mothers in all shapes and sizes. So, my views are not about the “relationship” but about the potential fallibility in the relationship.

Skewed and jaded as it may sound, I will risk it. 

So here goes...

Mother’s being the centre of universe for all children get to sink their teeth into the meatier part of the love loaf. Fathers, on the other hand, often take on a supportive role in terms of emotional availability. Consequently, mothers have a rather strong influence on the emotional health of the child, which largely includes beliefs about relationships and their approach to navigating through them.

And god forbid if the mother flaunts her clay feet more than her ivory bust, the child in all probability would grow up to be a dysfunctional adult.

And it’s exactly these kind of mothers that are problematic.

 The chilled-out, balanced, and secure mothers do not have the emotional bandwidth for rearing a “mamas’ boy.”  So let’s leave them out of this discussion.

I can almost hear roaring sighs of relief as all mothers reading this now believe this doesn’t apply to them!!! But check again…

It just might, if you….

Offer free guilt trips

The slightest sign of your “adult boy” defying you sets him on a guilt trip.

All through the childhood years mama bear comes to terms with her boy’s acts of rebellion because she isn’t pitted against anyone. But in adulthood, the slightest hint of defiance especially for his lady love triggers mama to throw a tantrum. And this in turn prevents the boy from freely expressing his support or love towards his partner.

Guilt also works when mama bear conditions him to believe that parents are always right , even when they are wrong!

I have a major issue with this because I think relationships are not above righteousness. One needs to be fair. It’s not who came first or who is going to stay through the sunset years, it's who is right. This to my mind, should be the only yardstick to pick sides respectfully.

Resort to emotional blackmail

Guilt, obligation, and fear are tools of emotional blackmail. They are often used to ensure compliance to a demand. Emotional blackmail is usually subtle and comes from a place of insecurity , desire for affection and the fear of abandonment. It largely happens when mama feels the “outsider” has dethroned her, least realising that every relationship has its own firm place.

And when stuck in the crosshairs, our little boy is compelled to make mama feel better even if it means causing distress to his partner.

Make ill-intentioned references to childhood episodes

It’s always endearing to hear and share childhood stories. But when they are shared with the motive of making the other person feel shortchanged or less loved  it can be off-putting. Citing how the boy used to do certain chores while seeming surprised at why he doesn’t do it now, can serve as a trigger.

Subtly convey that you know and love him better

Yes, parents love their children unconditionally and can never be divorced from the relationship but it doesn’t, mean that no one else can love them equally hard. Glorifying and always saying “after all I am your maa no one can take my place” is manipulation of the highest order. It's crucial to understand that the strength of the bond lies in the nature of the relationship itself, therefore the fear of losing it is unfounded. Unless one seeks exclusivity.

Enjoy a deep sense of entitlement 

Mamas with the "raja beta" syndrome operate from a place of deep entitlement which explains lack of guilt or remorse for unkind behavior (overt or subtle) towards their child's partner. It is very unbecoming of a parent to exert themsleves unabashedly knowing fully well that it may hurt their child . Its important for them to realise that they can only push so far, for beyond a point the bond may stay but weaken considerably. 

Indirect alienation of the partner

At times, although the boy's partner is keen to contribute and assist with family matters, she can feel excluded. Despite the passage of years, certain topics remain off-limits when she is present. Furthermore, there's a noticeable shift in behavior and body language when she's around. This situation can be quite hurtful, not only for the partner but also for the mama's boy.

Et al

When I say et al…I mean umpteen other little things like sarcasm, overt favouritism, and the urge to show that you are a tight family at every given opportunity. All these issues act like papercuts, cutting small but deep.

Grow up!

Parents need to mature up especially if their child's partner is dignified and gracious and chooses to ignore the overtures despite being much younger. In case of a wicked adversary by all means take your gloves off and pull your child away.

But if it’s the other way round then step back! Because your child is looking to build a family just like yours. And you do figure in it, but only if you acknowledge that your child now needs to hold someone else close to weave his own little nest.

 The same applies to daddies and their “papa ki pari’s” . Daddy maybe the strongest but is he the wisest too? We fear not.

So take a deep breath Mamas and Daddies your “raja betas” and “papa ki paris” will always love you but you will have to accept that with time they will love someone harder or in equal measure -just as you did in your time. Let them, because the happiness they create within their nest will reflect on the bigger bunch you created.

So grow up  Mama …your children have, it's your turn now!

 

The holiday was unplanned.

It came as a pleasant surprise when my husband got detailed for a course in Germany. He was going for a month. And I joined him in the later half for 15 days. And I think it was one of the best decisions we took jointly!

It was more than a holiday. It was a testimony of how despite our disagreements and occasional squabbles through more than two decades we snuggly fit into each other’s space to become each other’s perfect “holiday partner.”

While we have always enjoyed our holidays together, this was different since it was just us …and to our surprise our interests in food, places to visit, and things to do... aligned seamlessly. Barring one time where I craved for  a stiff cup of “adrak chai” while he effortlessly sipped on “black coffee” through the holiday.

I don’t know who influenced whom over the years but we were now literally “twinning”. And it took us a holiday to realize that we were more alike now than we were twenty years ago! It was both reassuring and scary! But more reassuring than scary.

So, the first lesson that came from this holiday was “take one…. just the two of you”. A family holiday certainly should be an annual affair but so should a couple holiday. Both serve the relationship differently.

Week One

It was my first and my husband’s third week in the land of Beer and Sausage. He had spent about two weeks in Donauworth before he moved to Ingolstadt for further training. And this is where I joined him. It was a pretty little town on the Danube.

The place had a merry vibe and reminded me of “Virgin River”, the quaint countryside town in the Netflix series . Everyone knew everyone and the Christmas fervour made the Bonhomie conspicuous. Evenings in the town saw people in their uber-chic winter wear huddled around wooden tables in the Christmas market chatting and cheering over pretty mugs of gluhwein (mulled wine).

The vibe was palpable and rubbed onto the tourists too. Christmas, I reckon is the best time to be in Europe.

Ingolstadt as a town needs to be seen on foot. Nothing is too far. At least nothing worth seeing is too far. There’s the Audi Museum -it undoubtedly should be on your list. Its story is awe-inspiring and the museum beautifully depicts its rather impressive journey.

Here I learnt that the word “Audi” translates to “listen” in Latin. It was a translation of the word “Horch” which happened to be the surname of its founder August Horch. Also, the interesting story of the four rings of the Audi logo was a revelation.

This apart we visited The Bavarian Army Museum, The Liebfrauenmunster Church, and the Medicine Museum. These are worth a visit if you are staying in Ingolstadt.

For the brand conscious there’s the Ingolstadt Village, a small marketplace for the most premium brands at discounted prices. Since we are both not brand conscious we only shopped at the Lindt Store …and it was a loot!

However, the most fascinating part of our stay in Ingolstadt was our trip to Nuremberg. It’s about an hour away from Ingolstadt and is highly recommended.

We took a train to Nuremberg. The train rides in Germany make travel extremely comfortable and simple. Take the RE and not the ICE if u want to save up. Both are equally comfortable but the RE takes slightly longer. 

Nuremberg  is unmissable! It holds within it tales of triumph and tragedy. It was once a stronghold of the ancient Roman Empire and recent history mentions Nuremberg as the harbinger of Nazi rallies and then later how it symbolically was chosen as the site for Nuremberg trials. There’s lots more to see and learn. Its glorious Gothic-style architectural marvels are a sight to behold. You can see these on the City Mini Train- it’s the cutest way to get a feel of the city.

After the train tour, we visited its charming Christmas market. It's one of the best.

Week Two

In the second week, we moved to Munich. We made it our base and decided to see places in close vicinity. It was a conscious decision to stick to places within two hours of travel from Munich.

Munich was big. And impressive. Its sheer size and grandeur contradicted the literal translation of its name, "the home of the monks.”

We had a rather long “to-do list” with breweries at the much-celebrated MarienPlatz, the city’s townhall sitting pretty at the top. We also tried Bavarian food like the widely enjoyed and justifiably popular pulled Pork burger.

On other days Pretzel and coffee fuelled us well.

From Munich, we travelled to Salzburg, the city of the VonTrapp family from the timeless classic “The Sound of Music.”  We took the “sound of music” bus tour and I urge you to take it. It’s a four-hour drive through Salzburg all the way to Mondsee covering all places of relevance. The drive was unreal and felt like a dream.  Enroute, we saw the Red Bull headquarters, and you got to believe me when I say it was a masterpiece.

The other half of the week took us to Neuschwanstein Castle in Fussen and   Lindau, Bodensee.

                       

First the castle.

The New Swan Castle was the inspiration for the “Sleeping Beauty” castle. Do you remember seeing it in the Disney logo?   It looks straight out of fairyland despite its two-hundred-year-old history. It’s a must-visit not only because you get to see the iconic castle but also for the quaint little town, Fussen at the  foothills.

Next day,  we planned to visit Lindau . The train journey to Lindau turned out to be quite an adventure. Unaware that the train carriages separated after a specific junction, we remained seated and unexpectedly arrived at a different station—twice! So please remember when you take a train keep a tab on the stations especially when you hear the engine winding down.

Even though the journey to Lindau was adventurous, landing there we realised it was worth it. As we stepped out of the station, we found ourselves staring at Lake Constance in its pristine form totally awestruck by its vastness and sparkling water with the lighthouse and the Lion sitting elegantly on it. It completely captivated our senses.

The spell was broken by hymns from the adjoining church.

Running short on time, we decided to explore the lanes and by-lanes of Lindau. We greedily covered as much ground as we could on foot. While the good part of landing there on Christmas Eve was that the place was decked and looked pretty with festoons and lights but the not-so-good part was that everything was shut barring a few cafes. I peeked through the glass windows and felt a sharp urge to break into the fairy-talish collection of souvenirs and curios.

I strongly recommend saving Euros for shopping at Lindau.

Since most places were shut for Christmas I may not be able to say with certainty that Mokka Café at Lindau is the best but I definitely can say that its “orange pie” is like no other. Put it on your “must devour” list.

The last two days were dedicated to Munich again. Despite giving it a good three days there is so much of it still unexplored. But we aren’t complaining because we chose our pace. We took our time and strolled through every nook and corner, immersing ourselves in the essence of the city. Both of us prefer exploring on foot, and that's precisely what we did.

For the city tour we did take the hop on hop off bus. But it was a let down. While enduring the biting cold and winter showers we had to wait long for the bus at most stops. Disappointed, we ditched the tour and covered only The Nymphenburg Palace, Glyptothek and KonigPlatz square.  I can’t say which was better. Each had an interesting blend of classicism and antiquity. But given a choice I would go back to the Glyptothek since the Romano-Greek sculptures there were enigmatic and stories behind each exquisitely compelling.  

We clocked close to 18.3 kms on foot that day- the longest on our trip!  Our average through the trip was 13 kms. We slept like logs that night! But woke up like daisies!

We saved the last day for what we knew was going to be a sombre experience- a visit to the Dachau Concentration Camp-one of the first and longest running concentration camps by the Nazis. The visit was moving to say the least. The German government has preserved the barracks, crematoriums, gas chambers and baths as they were. To think of it, it’s not even a hundred years since tyranny of such magnitude was unleashed right where we stood. The thought gave us gooseflesh.

The visit was anything but pleasant. It was dark, sad, unnerving, and gut wrenching ….as it should be. But despite it, I urge you to visit because its important we show our respect to the fallen and remind ourselves that humanity has an evil side and it should never be left unchecked.  

Some travel notes

It's always good to exchange notes when traveling to a new location more specifically a new country. This is what we discovered:

•       Carry physical currency, they need the money, honey. Forex card is a must too but not all places accept it

 As they say “it’s better to see a place once than to hear about it a thousand times” …so plan your vacation soon before you hear from me again!

The Last Stop!

When its your first as a newlywed and last as a seasoned wife, it ought to hold a special place in your memory cache…

The challenge was palpable. So, I lined up my luggage near the cabin door half an hour before the arrival time and played in my mind the sequence of events in the run up to the arrival.

When the time came, I was swiftly pulled out of the train along with my luggage giving me little time to process the scenario and check if the sequence of events was followed. By the time I could get my feet firmly on the ground the train had departed and I was now looking at him busy lugging the baggage along with his coursemate , extending his hand backwards towards me, signalling me to hold it. I smiled and gently placed my hand into his.

When we reached the parking lot I realised that my brand new off-white canvas tote was missing! I asked him to wait as I instinctively ran back towards the platform where it lay listlessly on the floor.  Thank god, I thought to myself as I grabbed it by its leather handles and started walking towards the exit.

It was during this walk that I first fell in love with Devlali!

The railway station completely charmed me. It reminded me of a scene from an old English classic , that depicted cobbled streets lined with wrought iron lampposts and benches covered with clay tiled roof. I was in awe.

I reached back huffing and animatedly blurted out “what a cute place this is!” His gaze shifted to his coursemate and they both shrugged dismissively! While my excitement didn’t find any cheerleaders in them, my love story with Devlali had begun.

Anecdotes & Stories

With over two decades spent in the army ruminating over postings, Devlali and its urban twin Nashik have clocked the longest manhours in our log book . Between two postings , and a couple of courses we spent six and half years of our lives in this beautiful and quaint part of Maharashtra. Every time we came knocking on the Sahyadris , we were always left in awe of how little things changed in this dreamy cantonment town. It seemed far removed from the fast pace of the world outside. Familiarity even after a longish hiatus made us feel at home.

Every little place of relevance here has a story attached to it.

Mulla Plaza, (a wannabe mall in devlali) always reminds me of my fall in the seventh month of my first pregnancy. I was busy chatting away with a friend when I tripped over a loosely placed stone slab on the pavement next to the plaza. I fell flat on my stomach but so naïve and new was I to this phase that I simply dusted my pants and resumed our chatter. My friend was equally unaware of the consequences, and thankfully there were none in my case.

Levitt Market, for those who have been to Devlali would agree is the bread basket and Nykaa of the town. A trip to the market on a bi-weekly basis is a must to fill one’s fridge with veggies and fruits and the dresser with liners and lippers. There is nothing that one doesn’t get there. From cherry tomatoes to avocados to vanilla pods, Levitt has it all. For those who miss the weekly trip to Levitt , there’s always Bano Bi. She is the grand old lady of Umrao Plaza, selling veggies with a rather uptight disposition. She plays by her rules and does not budge, come captain come colonel!

And what’s Umrao Plaza, you might ask? It’s the only synonym for Devlali that faujis know. I could write a whole blog on it ! Umrao Plaza, is the cozy little shopping arcade that serves as  a one stop shop for all basic needs  .

It’s also a place where one  accidentally bumps into friends  and seniors. So it doubles up as a “social”. However it is not the best place to  socialise as that honour goes to the Temple Hill Institute (THI) . It’s the officers institute and the weekend deck for most officers and families. A place where one unwinds over a couple of drinks, scribbles on tambola tickets , discusses office gossip and meets up with friends. It used to be our favourite part of the week. And if you are working in APS (army public school) like I use to, then THI becomes an extension of the staffroom!

Not-so-conspicuous

While these star attractions are difficult to miss , there are some not-so-conspicuous gems too .

They are the little vendors who whip up a lip-smacking preparation of whatever they are selling. To name a few- the momos guy next to the chai tapri, the sugarcane juice vendor on the SBI road, the milkcake at Kondiram Milk Centre, Vada pao at Gaurav Vada Pao and Kashmiri lemonade at Bharat Cold Drinks (the taste has altered but for old time’s sake, it’s worth a visit) .

 

Pic: Sugarcane juice vendor

The new kid on the block for me was the RT Bakery , its  ginger and jaggery cookies are to die for.  I am sure I would have missed out on a lot of other worthy places but these were most frequented by us.

Oh! how could I forget Mr Swamy! He is the “idli-on-wheels” man! When in PO quarters I remember Sunday breakfast was courtesy him. He moves around on his bike with two containers of coconut and tomato chutneys along with a huge canister of idli , uttapam and vada. In the days when there was no Swiggy or Zomato , he swung by to feed us!

Pic: Mr Swamy

We also hosted breakfast parties solely on his food in pyjamas and night suits with friends.

But for more formal occasions there was someone else who was always a part of our celebrations.

SK and Arjun, if you know you know! Gifts for all the parties came from them. Back in the day they were a craze with all their crystalware, perfumes and knick-knacks. Even today they do manage to engage a whole bunch of us with their unusual products and pricing.

Talking of unusual products, I am reminded of an episode that happened years ago with a friend. Our husbands were away on an exercise and we were a bunch of girls left to ourselves. So every evening we would walk to the market - shop, eat and come back happy and contented. On one such evening we barged into Arjun’s shop and excitedly began looking at mugs , cutlery and bottles when one of the shopkeepers (a lady) came and whispered in my friend’s ear. The lady then signalled her to move to a side and showed her something, we couldn’t see what it was. But my friend’s expressions changed and her face was flushed and all we could see was a vehement nod. She quickly walked towards us and urged us to drop everything and step out of the shop.

We were clueless about what had happened. So when we stepped out , we asked her to take  a deep breath and tell us exactly what had transpired. Half-embarrassed half-amused she told us that the lady at the shop asked her if she wanted some adult toys!! On hearing this, we literally went rolling on the floor! What made it funnier was my friends’ reaction –

“Why didn’t she ask any of you?

Do I look I like I need it?”

She looked damn cute as she expressed her outrage , we held her tight and let her vent out!

Of Houses & Homes

Devlali as a cantonment has accommodation in pockets. So, if you have ever been posted to Devlali or have been on course you would have housed at least two of these pockets. As for us , we stayed in a couple of them . Starting from P blocks to PO quarters, to Chushul Enclave and finally the far away pockets across Valdevi , Missile park and New AOP  we have housed them all and each has a special place. The last one however is the most special as our darling Pumpkin rests there. A piece of our hearts is forever buried in our last abode and whenever we visit again, I am sure a flood of memories will come rushing back.

That’s the thing about service accommodation, with passage of time we leave markers in every dwelling we house. Consequently, when we recall our stay we revisit all the good and not-so-good times we have had and for some strange reason every memory good or bad becomes an engaging story.

Until we meet again

It wasn’t by design, but I am glad it happened. Life did come a full circle for us quite literally. From joining the academy from Devlali to hanging his uniform there, the place encapsulates not only his journey as a soldier but ours too as the soldier’s family. It will forever  be  special and we will always look forward to revisiting the good old times  while narrating the same stories over and over again conveniently ignoring the bored faces of our children .

              The Fest Was ‘lit’!

I owe it to Facebook ……. My visit to the AWWA Jaipur Litfest!

I tripped on a flyer on the Real Indian Army Wives (RIAW)Group on FB inviting army wives to showcase their entrepreneurial initiatives at the fest. The thought of a litfest in Jaipur excited me as I have always been an ardent fan and stalker of the ongoings at The Jaipur Litfest. I knew that this version of the Litfest was going to be limited to fauji wives but I thought with familiar surroundings and an acquainted set of people it would make for a great start.

So, I followed the contact on it only to learn that the author slots were already booked and the flyer was only for entrepreneurs! Disappointed but determined I sought options from the officer on the other side who was more than willing to help. I asked if I could set up a little kiosk like other entrepreneurs to showcase my book. Her response was an emphatic “yes maam, why not”.

And there I was all set to step into my maiden book promotion adventure.

Unsure yet Certain

I was thrilled when the proposal to set up a kiosk came through. However, as I inched closer to the event day my excitement slowly seeped out of my heart as my head took over.  I was beginning to get jittery. I was unsure about what opportunity the fest had in store for me, and if it was an opportunity in the first place. Was I being frivolous? Was it worth spending all the money on something that I was clueless about? I felt guilty and unfairly entitled!

My apprehensions were put to rest by my family. My husband and sons were more than excited about my trip. “Go have fun. Treat it as your first solo vacation ” they nudged. Their encouragement was enough for me to shrug off my guilt and apprehension!

I began prepping-from ordering hardbound jacketed copies for the fest and getting some laminated    printouts of my book reviews  to making reservations at a very arty homestay and packing  some festoons for kiosk decoration-I was at it!

And won’t dwell into it any further.

I will leave it at -he was right!

Day One

I woke up before my alarm clock rang.

According to science this happens for two reasons -when one is either too motivated or too stressed. I was both! Got dressed in one of my best, treated myself to a high calorie breakfast of piping hot Aloo Parathas and tea , booked an Uber and landed at  the venue- Jawahar Kala Kendra- about an hour early!

The venue was impressive. With sprawling lawns and a red sandstone façade it was an apt representation of the city. The architecture had a story too.  The design and construction is based on the “navagrah” or nine planets of our solar system. Every section of the structure represents one of the nine planets with colour scheme to match the planetary disposition. For instance, the library is attributed to the planet of knowledge, “Jupiter” and the colour associated with the planet is lemon yellow and so the library façade is yellow too.

My learning had already begun!

The place was buzzing with activity as uniformed and non-uniformed soldiers went about coordinating  with their walkie-talkies. The lady wives too were in full attendance in all their finery, stilettos and tinted glasses. The place was both unnerving and comforting. I found comfort as I saw our fraternity in full glory, I was jumpy as I realised that mine was the only kiosk with a single book on display. The rest of them were set up by publishers with books of various authors. But later, I realised I was in a better space.

 

The chief guest , Mrs Pande ,(the Army Chief’s wife, and the AWWA president)had arrived and she was expected inside the gallery any minute now. Just as I picked my cell phone to click a few pictures I heard a commotion and the gallery was suddenly flooded with cameramen, journalists and a lot of senior ladies. And right in the middle of the huddle was the chief guest, a very elegant and  graceful lady . I was happy to speak to her about my book as she listened patiently showing genuine interest. She then moved onto other stalls for interaction.

 Slowly, through the day a lot of people came and enquired about the book and quite a few picked a copy. It was heartening to see people so willingly patting my back. I also came across a few interesting personal stories at the kiosk.

It was humbling to meet families of martyred soldiers too. Despite the passage of time, I saw in their eyes a glint of sadness and longing  as they spoke of their loved one. I am almost always in awe of families who are left behind. And I am tempted to write about them, but wonder if words would do justice to the longing, pain  and pride they feel everyday.

I also stumbled upon some old connections, friends of friends and Social media acquaintances. It was energising to hear them speak  animatedly about their life journeys. The place was brimming with talent. It left me in awe of how people with such unquestionable talent were still looking for a window to showcase it. The thought was humbling in more ways than one.

Alongside the activity in the gallery there was a lot happening on the stage outside. There were celebrated authors, actors and entertainers from the fraternity talking about their trials, tribulations, and triumphs. These were people who enjoyed a massive fanbase on social media and it was heartening to learn that their fears and apprehensions were no different from mine or yours. Afterall , most beginnings are humble, it’s what we do enroute that makes the story extraordinary.

I had a lot to learn.

For once, I felt like a spectator observing, absorbing, and processing everything around me.

At the end of  day one, I felt it was worth the effort.

Day Two & Three

The curiosity and excitement of day one had now been reigned in. I was on familiar turf and knew what to expect. The following two days went off smoothly with more interactions with different sets of people, students, and young journalists. I also used the time to explore the place , interact with more entrepreneurs and publishers. 

The day was packed with a lot of celebrity action. But I was looking forward to Ranvijay’s (Roadies fame) visit. I am no fan of his but I was eager to present him a copy of Olive Beans for a reason. I have always envisioned Olive Beans as a web series on an OTT platform. I was so consumed with this idea that I chalked out a cast for the series, and Ranvijay figured in one of the stories! Sadly, I couldn’t reach out to him as he was hounded by people -men and women alike- so I quietly approached his mother and handed the book to her. I don’t know if he even carried the book back, but that’s something I can’t affect, what I could I did.

The third day was relaxed as I barely had seven copies with me. So, I moved around the venue and attended a few discussions, interviews and readings. I was looking forward to Kumud Mishra’s act but unfortunately missed it. Just as I was sulking, a friend called and asked me to rush to the media gallery. She was among the organisers. Thanks to her I got to meet him and present a copy of Olive Beans too. What a fine gentleman! I always adored him as an actor but his conduct trumped his talent. He was refined, courteous and so graceful. Everyone in the media enclosure felt a sense of deep respect for him. 

 It’s a Wrap

I sat at the kiosk sipping on a hot cup of coffee in the last hour of the final day reflecting on my time at the fest. I was glad I made it here. I recounted the learnings .  I realised how when we look at the trajectory of successful people, we see them standing at the exact same start point as us.

I also learnt that one must bring their best foot forward when it comes to one’s passion. I was so glad that I decided to carry hardbound jacketed copies instead of paperback. It created an instant impression.

Last and by no means the least, I saw what an enabling environment can do . The Fest was brimming with optimism with everyone ready to extend a helping hand. Not once, did I feel lost.

I smiled and felt a deep sense of gratitude. I glanced at my watch!

“She must be on her way,” I thought and began winding up!

As I picked my bags (thankfully they did not seem heavy now!) I saw my friend walking cheerfully towards me.

We were going shopping!

Jaipur works like  a charm on your senses ,its captivating and leaves you wanting for more. With little time on hand , I couldn’t see much (but shopped like a glutton) and I left the place with a longing in my heart and a promise to return and paint the town a deeper shade of pink!

Friends are for Keeps!

When the weather isn’t fair, are you still there?

We had recently got posted to Bangalore from Nasik. I wasn’t too upbeat about the move as we had barely spent a year and half in the pristine greens of Maharashtra. But left with little choice, I started packing!

The boys were packed first  ; packed off to the grandparents  !

Followed by the truck ! And finally us with our bags and our furry pie Pumpkin.

By now I had come to terms with the move and was looking forward to it. For someone who had never been posted to a class A city  the idea was now beginning to excite me and I realised that my initial hesitation was more out of my reluctance to pack and less out of the “ I love Nasik” emotion!

The Circle Expands

On posting, we prefer driving to the new location. First, it’s convenient with pets , second ,we get to see places on our way. Our drive from Nasik to Bangalore was no different. Its scenic vistas and the gorgeous landscape coupled with divine weather made the journey memorable.

We reached Bangalore the following evening around 7-ish. We checked into the guestroom , freshened up and stretched ourselves out on the bed excitedly planning to visit the much-celebrated Beer place  “Toit”. Just as we were discussing our plan for the night , the doorbell rang and my husband sprang  from his side of the bed to open the door. From the room all I could hear was  an exchange of pleasantries

“good evening maam, hi yaar, hi beta” …

I gathered someone from the squadron had come to check on us.

So, quickly I brushed my hair, straightened my shirt took a quick look at myself in the mirror, and walked to the tiny area where the guests were seated.

I saw a very well-turned-out couple with a sweet boy who seemed as old as my younger one talking animatedly with my husband who was equally excited, seemed like they knew each other since stone age! And as I walked towards them, the officer leapt from the sofa and wished me warmly and the lady flashed her sweet smile as we gently shook hands. They had a good vibe. We instantly took to each other.

They had planned only a flying visit to check on us but the evening stretched into the night. This posting we thought was going to be fun with these guys around. And it was. Bangalore tenure added to our treasure of friends with these two fitting in effortlessly.

Whine, Wine and Humour

We loved the same wine, we found the same reasons to whine and we tickled each other’s funnybone! There was also a casual garnish of couplets that our new friend sprinkled from his favourite poets (Faiz Ahmed Faiz et al) . He knew them by heart and recited them with the right Urdu intonation. He left us all enthralled and entertained.

 As time passed we made plans to settle together in Bangalore where he and my husband would fly (he- fixed wing and my husband -helicopters) and his wife and I would find our own fuel to fire our dreams. On this note we parted ways, with posting orders in hand.

Thankfully we kept in touch and the friendship only got reinforced despite the distance.

Not funny anymore

Two years in our new location passed in a jiffy. It was time to move again. They moved to a station in the Northern part of the country and we were westward bound.

Pandemic was in full force. Schools were shut and online schooling was the new normal. I was teaching too. So most mornings and afternoons I was engaged with classes and schoolwork. I seldom attended calls during these hours.

On one such warm August morning my phone rang around 12 pm and it was this friend of mine.  I muted her call and decided to call back later. Then, almost immediately my son dashed out of his room flashing his cellphone screen literally into my face trying to show me a “breaking news” piece.

It read” Army helicopter crashes in Pathankot, pilots swim to safety”.

I sighed with relief and signaled him to let me focus on my work.

Maybe she had called to discuss the incident, I thought to myself.  

I brushed aside these thoughts and carried on with my classes. She called again and I declined again.

After finishing school, I had planned to go shopping with my son as he was turning eighteen the next day. We had to hurry since the curfew timings were strict and the market closed at 5 pm due to the pandemic.

I collected my bag and car keys and was about to rush out of the main door when my phone rang again. It was my husband,  I told him we were going shopping .

“Hold on, I will be there in five” he said and hung up without waiting for me to respond.

Meanwhile I went back into the kitchen and began heating food for him. He walked in looking lost and pale. Oddly, he didn’t say anything. He was unusually quiet. He helped himself to a glass of water and stood against the kitchen wall. I was too pre-occupied to ask why he seemed lost and then I suddenly remembered the news piece that my son had shared.

In a very matter-of-fact manner , I asked him “ there was a crash in Pathankot  na?,

He nodded , absent-mindedly.

Before he could say anything I continued “but thankfully the pilots are safe. Who were they any idea?”

 I wasn’t prepared for what he was going to say.

 “It’s him with a youngster, and they are missing!”

I stopped. I stared at him in disbelief. This cant be. I immediately ran out of the kitchen rummaged through my handbag, my hands shaking as I barely managed to grab the phone to dial my friend. She did not answer.

I hated myself for declining her calls. I was palpitating in anxiety. I had to speak to her . But she wasn’t answering my calls . We contacted others at the base hoping against hope that our worst fears wouldn’t come true. By night, it was amply clear that “no news is not always good news” and the worst may have already happened. We took the next flight out and reached Pathankot.

What happened in the days that followed still seems unreal. Even today, the enormity of the incident has not sunk in. As for my friend, I am still trying to wrap my head around the resilience and grace she has shown in these trying times. She has been incredible and I am in complete admiration of her conduct.

Uncertain times tug on certain bonds!

“Man proposes god disposes” -hit us hard. All our plans were waylaid by the sudden jolt of destiny. As friends, our hurt was real but for my friend her loss was her reality.

My husband and I sat up late into the nights that followed discussing what lay ahead for her. For us, to imagine her without him was unfathomable! She was pampered, treasured, and spoilt by the man she loved the most. She really was his Queen. Our discussion often ended philosophically on the note that God will give her the strength she needed as it was his will! And he did!

She found her strength in her son. She knew she couldn’t look weak in front of her child, as she was all he had. So, she collected herself and decided to fake it until she made it. She was up and about doing regular chores. She also put her son back in his routine. She was willingly meeting people, speaking about issues at hand, doing pending paperwork and did not hesitate speaking about her husband.  She was doing it all.

She took charge of her life and took it on her to make her husband proud. This certainly did not come easy. Watching her I could see that she was calling upon every single cell of her being to maintain her sanity. There were times when she felt overwhelmed and broke down but that helped. It cleansed her of the pain as she vented out her innermost feelings.

She certainly wasn’t alone in this. It was heartening to see friends rallying around her in her difficult days. There were umpteen people who dropped by to spend time with her till she found her feet were not shaky anymore. It was reassuring for us to see her slowly holding steady.

She is a fine example of how love, care and compassion can help one spring back to life, albeit lustreless. The sheen, I acknowledge will take a while to show.

Conscious Conduct

“What doesn’t touch you, doesn’t hurt you”

Yes, loss is always personal and despite best efforts nobody can dull the pain. But then one can certainly prevent it from getting worse. Just lurking in the background to ensure that the one grieving does not get buried in grief is what friends are for.

We often hold ourselves back for fear of saying the wrong things or not saying enough in such times. But from experience, I believe that being honest about one’s feelings and reaching out without saying much can make a huge difference.

Also, sometimes unintentionally we begin quoting our own experiences or how another friend coped with a similar situation, thereby making it more about us and less about the bereaved. Avoid drawing  analogies. It’s important to realise that people and situations can never be identical. So let  people  meander their path in their own way.

Instilling confidence in the grieving friend and encouraging him or her to do what their heart desires is very important . They have never been more vulnerable, therefore  it’s easy for them to slip into a self-deprecating mental monologue. The slightest hint of smile on their face can make them feel small and guilty. Hold them tight here.

Do not lecture the bereaved about how they need to behave or dress when they step out! I was appalled to see some very “progressive” people schooling my friend about her dress code and demeanor. For god’s sake, back off! If you cannot alleviate the pain then do not  add to the misery either. 

Learn to listen. Not every story, anecdote or memory of your grieving friend needs your insight. Sometimes, infact most times, it helps to just listen and may be say “I understand”. Avoid giving a counter view or any view for that matter until the time is right.

Do not use a grief template. A person grieving is not supposed to act or behave in a certain way, while the loss hits people the same way the reactions are very different. So, if a person is smiling and speaking to you while maintaining his or her composure do not judge and make statements like “oh you look just fine.” Because they are not. By making such statements you could be sending the bereft on a guilt trip, where they start feeling that they aren’t grieving enough, a  thought that can spiral into a freefall of negative emotions.

These are difficult times so its natural for the grief-stricken to feel hurt, negative, and cynical. It’s not who they are its just their reaction to the awful stimulus that hit them. Give them time to wean off the pain and come back into their own. Do not respond or react bitterly if you have been hurt by their cynicism.

 Last, and by no means the least, stay in touch. By this I mean, a genuine show of concern and desire to maintain friendship -call, message, plan coffee and movie dates , propose holidays or do whatever is possible in time and space. But do it! Do not disappear, hang in there just as they are!

 The Tectonic Shift  !

I didn’t see the fault lines….

On the 19th anniversary of his commissioning, my husband reiterated what he had been saying for a couple of years now …. “twenty years and one day and I am out of fauj!”

Every time he said this, I just rolled my eyes and asked him “all good at work?” And he would just move his hand dismissively in air and wink! This was our way of subtly telling each other what we wanted. He wanted to leave  and I on the other hand had my heels firmly dug into the olive greens!

It was harmless banter, or so I thought until he turned twenty the following year!

A score, a scare!

His twentieth year was eventful to say the least!

We saw a lot of our friends make the transition to the civil street. It was lovely to see them enjoying their second innings! I got really excited when friends spoke about their new adventure! But not once did I imagine myself there!

My conversation with them included questions around their new life, social circle and if they missed fauj!

 As a friend I felt reassured for them as most answers were in the affirmative.

My husband was differently curious. He enquired about upskilling, paperwork and job opportunities. Somewhere deep down I did realise that my man in the Olive Greens was getting serious about changing into  Business Formals!

But, god had other plans!

His twentieth year also coincided with the pandemic! While the pandemic threw life out of gear for most of us, I saw its silver lining. He was convinced to hold back his papers till things settled down. And my heart smiled. We moved to a new station . The tenure was extremely enjoyable for him and me. He loved flying and he was getting to do it like never before. I had friends and work to keep me happy and busy,  while our kids had their hands  full too!

That’s the beauty of the armed forces. It takes over your life. Unlike other jobs where it’s only the person at work who is involved, Army as an institution involves the family too. Our social life is an extension of our husband’s work. So it isn’t just a profession for the uniformed soldier it is a way of life for the family too. And for a person like me who sheds copious tears on leaving a course accommodation which was housed for just a couple of months, changing this way of life was indeed a tectonic shift!

Even today, after being married for more than two decades seeing him in overalls  on his Bullet  makes my heart flutter . It may sound puerile , but its true! I love him a little more because of the RayBans and overalls (TopGun generation) !  I often tell him that I give him a full score for being a good person but I add a little star along for the uniform (as a teacher I couldn’t think of a better analogy) .

The moment of truth

One and half years later when the Pandemic seemed to claw back , my husband clawed in waving the papers to my face ! And just like that he put up his papers!

I knew there was little I could do now! I wasn’t going to hope for another wave for my selfish interest! So I signalled a thumbs up reluctantly and wore a forced smile. After all he knew his professional space better than I did. If it was a tectonic shift for me , it wasn’t any different for him. In fact it was graver for him and understandably so.

He is a hardcore soldier. He has been living this life for a little over forty five years -first as a kid and then as an officer. So his decision had to be for a good reason. And this is how I started working on my thoughts!

He liked the change in me. Only I knew it was superficial. Fake it till you make it was now my mantra! I could do it for him.  I had silenced my defiant mind. It was time to see things from his vantage point.

And to my surprise things didn’t look difficult, different yes !

So, here I was letting myself play a mature girl moving from TopGun to

Jerry Maguire!

Why? Why not?

Ask any soldier and he will tell you that ‘why’ and ‘why not’ are questions put to him twice in his life. First, when he makes a decision to don the uniform and second when he is contemplating hanging it! We were at the latter stage!

Even after putting up papers, we often discussed the pros and cons of  quitting. But this time I was a better listener and didn’t get riled up. And I must give it to him for patiently explaining and putting his points forward.

His points were valid. 

The pyramid in the army is too steep and the likelihood of being overlooked at a fairly young age of thirty-six is rather high. It’s demoralizing as one sees contemporaries outside still in the reckoning. Yes, the quality of life doesn’t change but the quality of work certainly does! So, for those who still have the fire burning, its only natural to look for greener pastures.

Second, everybody hangs their uniform sooner or later! He says better sooner than later as the chances of a good second innings are higher if u have age by your side. Point well taken!

Last, and by no means the least, the organisation he says hasn’t kept pace with the changing times. There is stagnation and lack of progressive thought process. The moral fiber too is fraying at the seams.

I know he speaks more out of concern and less out of disdain.   Afterall given a choice the uniform would be his preferred skin yet again. It will remain the love of his life. But as they say love doesn’t suffice!

Almost there

We are almost there- a month and half before I see the uniform hung in the closet forever! I am excited and nervous.

We hold hands and walk into the uncharted with a solid base to keep us steady.

As my husband says “I will hang my boots, but my feet will always be firmly grounded in the principles of the army, whatever it is that is awaiting us on the other side of the Olive greens, we will fight to win!”

Once a soldier always a soldier!

                                                   PONDI"CHERRY" WITH THE APPLE OF MY EYE!

                    The getaway was indeed fruitful...     

  

It was my first, with my first born! A little late in the day as he was now officially an adult! So if you keep aside the funding aspect of the trip (hopefully next time that too will be his domain  …hear me?!!!!), it was more like he taking me for a holiday than the other way round!

We were in Chennai for his admission, and Pondicherry was just   two hours away, and that explains our choice of destination! It was more a matter of convenience and practicality and less about our “dreams’!

But it did become a dreamy holiday! More about that as we go along!

Teen there? Don’t do that!

The holiday was different yet same in many ways! When you are out with a teenager the difference is more palpable as opposed to the sameness. How so? 

Forget early mornings

With a teenager by your side early mornings are a no-go! Unless , like me you decide to  venture out alone!

In a place like Pondicherry that has beaches and pretty lanes you want to step out and feel the place in its full glory and no better time to experience it than at the crack of dawn when the birds are chirping and the wind is fairly comforting even in full blown summers!

 Stepping out by yourself is not bad at all! It was a rather calming experience to walk through the lanes of the White Town laced by pretty cottages embodying country charm. There were pretty blooms, mainly Bougainvilleas in varied colours hopelessly falling over these facades. I was in awe!

For those planning a getaway at Pondicherry I strongly recommend early morning walks by the beach through the pretty lanes! Carry your phone as the view deserves a capture!

“Food” is the central theme

 

I paraphrase the age-old adage and have my own version of it “the way to a teenager’s s heart is through the stomach !” Especially if it’s a teenaged boy! O boy! With him, the meals were not the regular breakfast- lunch- dinner! They were further classified into sub-types! Coffee at one place, main course at the other and dessert at yet another! This, according to him was the only way we could cover the umpteen French Cafes around the town! And I am glad I followed him as we did manage to cover quite a few places, barring some favourites which were packed through the weekend!

Of the many cafes we visited Bread & Chocolate was really pretty! The smoothies were yum and very different. Do try!

This apart, on one of the nights I managed to squeeze in my desire to have roadside barbecued chicken for dinner  . I highly recommend it! So does he!

Space out!

                                                             

 

I am lucky to have a teenager who doesn’t need “space” in the typical sense of the word since he has reasonable tolerance for family provided he is allowed his time on the phone playing games and watching Netflix ! I get it and so I decide to use my time well!

I walked around into the local shops picking up stuff like candles, incense sticks, pottery and handmade lamps and lights! It’s a delight to walk into the shops because they are aesthetically pleasing  . I also used the time to visit the embroidery unit of  Aurobindo Ashram , it was a cute little unit but  honestly  they need to graduate to better embroidery styles. This apart , the local crafts bazar was nice too, average stuff but took me back to my childhood days of little “melas” by the roadside.

 Adventure Please? 

                                                     

        In Pondicherry, there isn’t much when it comes to adventure , at best you could hire a bike and ride through the lanes braking every few seconds  as two-wheelers zip around recklessly. And we did exactly that! We rode sans-helmet  as helmets were not provided (I imagine it’s part of the adventure !!) and had our fair share of excitement! I did earn some extra brownie points for this!

 

Insta-friendly sightseeing is welcome! 

                           

Surprisingly he was game for visiting the “touristy” places! Its only later that I realised sightseeing had high insta-worthiness and so he happily agreed. (I am guilty of it too!) We mounted our bike and zoomed to the first stop-Our Lady of Angels Church. It is a beautiful church inspired by Greco-Roman architecture. The only church where Sunday mass takes place in three languages (Tamil, English and French)

We then proceeded to the Aurobindo Ashram . Cameras were not allowed inside and so I couldn’t click pictures of the beautiful blooms inside. There were beautiful flowers all around. It was serene and calm.

By this time, he had had enough and prodded me to move to the beach . It was already dark and the moon was shining bright. We parked near the beach and sat on the rocks for a while, the place was magical and scintillating. There was enough crowd with some cultural show happening by the side . I didn’t mind the crowd at all, it had a happy energy. We then walked to Le Café and had our coffee and pasta by the beach.

The next morning I woke him up early as we had planned a visit to Auroville. I tempted him by saying we would stop for Pizzas at Tantos and he jumped out of his bed!

Auroville is an experimental township aimed at creating harmony between people from all walks of life. Its not particularly beautiful but it certainly is very different and mesmerising. What I enjoyed the most was our walk to Matrimandir (temple of the Mother). The one kilometer long walk gave me an insight into what my teenager thought of world peace and harmony. On our walk back, however things were different, there was little harmony between the mother and the son as he was thirsty and hungry and wanted to head to a café!!!

Retire in style

Here I concur with my teenager . A good place to retire after a long day on the road can be rejuvenating. One needs to choose a comfortable, clean and pretty place to stay. Not necessarily high on luxury but certainly high on comfort, cleanliness and aesthetics. Keeping these factors in mind I was rather impressed by Petit de Palais . It suited our pocket and our style. Very understated yet charming. The location couldn’t have been better. Everything worth visiting was walkable from the hotel.

While it certainly is one of the best in Pondicherry, other recommended ones are Hotel Promenade (right on the beach) and The Retreat (beach side) .

 Au revoir

And just like that it was time to bid goodbye! Our holiday was interesting, enjoyable and extremely invigorating. I have now become a fierce proponent of a holiday with children. The experience is beautifully different. As a mother I am beginning to understand that generation gap is real!!!! But its so exciting when you are pushed to jump over the gap to reach out to your child. And there is no better push than a vacation with them!

 P.S. Apart from fiercely proposing a parent-child holiday I am also  now a fan of Pondicherry ! It’s a must visit (preferably in winters)

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am a teacher and a proud one at that! But lately I have found myself swallowing my pride as I fear bruising it.

While I do not have extensive teaching experience like a lot of my friends from the fraternity, I do have a couple of years up my sleeve to have an opinion.

Each to his own

My concern stems from my strong desire to be treated as a professional. And so my views are mine only and  may not resonate with some in the same profession, not to say that they are okay with not being treated as professionals, but only that their response buttons are wired differently!

Before I begin I wish to state that I absolutely love the profession and I am glad I stumbled upon it.

I admit,  it was never my first choice and honestly in our country not many children grow up dreaming of a chalk and a duster in their hands! The profession while being one of the most noble ones does not enjoy the stature it deserves.  Sadly, it comes to us by chance and not by choice, and in most cases, as the last resort.

So, it isn’t difficult for one to imagine the dynamics at play. The competency profile of the teaching ranks is heavily skewed. While there are some who are outstanding and leave a mark, there are others who believe that the job is a “favour” done to them! And therefore  they operate out of fear and any demand by the school is met with an emphatic nod and a resounding “yes”. Needless to say, this creates a problem of checks and balances giving the head of the institution unwarranted authority in getting his/her way through with the most unreasonable demands.

Bonded Vs Bonding!

The treatment meted out to the teaching staff is appalling! Suggestions to alleviate stress and discomfort in the workplace are not only rejected but also considered “sedition” of sorts.

I am not against rules and discipline, but I am certainly against humiliation of an individual, albeit subtly!

There are umpteen instances where teachers are pulled up and subjected to uncalled for scrutiny without giving them any benefit of doubt. It’s sad that teachers despite being the pivot of  good education are often kept at the lowest rung with students , parents and school weighing heavy on them.

From being reprimanded for insignificant issues to keeping suspense about their extension in the upcoming academic year everything is used to showcase power.  In some cases, the equation between the school and the teachers is akin to what the British had with us Indians - milking the helpless to their best advantage and weeding out those who express discontentment.

Why are teachers not invited to the “culture” party?

When the entire world is talking about “work culture” “employee motivation and engagement” “team work and appreciation” “open house for grievance handling”, the teaching fraternity seems to be conveniently left out of the party!

Of the three cornerstones of a well-rounded educational unit -students, parents and teachers -teachers undoubtedly are the most important. Only when the teachers are motivated and committed will they deliver to meet the expectations of the other two. And a motivated teacher is a by-product of an inspiring, transparent and collaborative culture.

But where is it? It’s rare to come across schools that let teachers breathe and express themselves openly.

Head of institutions are often seen addressing teachers with one-liners like “is there anyone brave enough to come up with a point” almost giving out a veiled threat. Another one we hear often is “you don’t like it here you are free to leave”!

Of course, we are! And teachers do not need anyone to tell them that, but they aren’t there to leave! They are working to make a difference in the lives of students they teach. Grant teachers that credibility and refrain from intimidating them!

The work culture in some schools exploits the “compulsions” of teachers owing to their personal reasons. My heart goes out to teachers who cannot leave school and have to put up with irrational demands on an everyday basis.

I acknowledge, like other professions there are sincere workers and insincere workers in teaching too. But like other professions here too it’s important to use the carrot and stick model to keep workers in check . Unfortunately, in schools we see the stick being flung at teachers rather unabashedly while the carrot is left to rot!

The Way Forward

I remember someone telling me “if a school is good for students it cannot be good for teachers”. It set me thinking!  It’s almost like saying if a parent wants an obedient child, the parent has to play Hitler!

 I don’t buy that!

There are schools that have a rather impressive culture where both teachers and students are happy. They do have their fair share of issues but these issues do not create toxicity and hence can be managed. They have a healthy mix of discipline and compassion. Those who follow authoritarian culture could take a leaf out of their book.

Dictatorship may be able to deliver good results in the short term but in the long run good teachers will burn out.

There are small yet significant ways in which teaching can become a rewarding experience.

Clear Communication:

Toxic work cultures usually have unclear, confusing , insufficient and last minute communication. Thus, clarity in communication is important in building a transparent and collaborative culture. To achieve this the following can be implemented:

·        Avoid passive-aggressive communication (for eg: if this is not done then you will have to give a written apology etc)

·        Avoid off-time communication (teachers are not on 24/7 duty -set communication time limits)

·        Communicate achievable timelines (eg : finish the report and send it the next half hour is not acceptable !)

·        Respect teachers’ need for personal time

·        Be courteous in case work is given during off-hours

Discourage coterie culture

Heads of institutions who encourage gossip, gather information on the sly and appreciate people who get them “inside” information are bad for the organisational culture. They are setting the stage for infighting, unhealthy competition and dishonest behaviour. Heads should be fair, transparent, accessible and impartial.

Schools that are led by leaders who value good work, honesty, constructive criticism and sincerity are more likely to be consistent in performance.

Administrative Support

Teachers are often seen pleading for printouts, tech support, canteen facilities and clean toilets. These are basics and schools should be more than willing to support teachers here.

The recent pandemic added another dimension to tech support-wifi /internet connectivity. Wifi was not made available by some schools nor were the teachers given an allowance to buy a top-up plan. Instead, teachers were expected to take extra classes after reaching home in case their network did not work well (and this happened on most days).

The least a school can do is provide these basic amenities without teachers having to ask for them.

Stick to the job description

A productive workforce lets its people focus on their core competency. However some schools burden teachers with administrative work like fee collection, data collection, invigilation duties, election duties etc. It should be voluntary and best avoided.

Comprehensive Assessment

It’s surprising to see some good teachers being pushed down to junior classes (PRT)despite putting in years  as TGTs /PGTs . They are left lurking in self-doubt. A comprehensive assessment plan is required in order to contain the impact of personal biases on a teacher’s progression in school. Involving parents, co-teachers and heads of departments can result in a well-rounded appraisal process.

Another often seen trend is hiring teachers as PRTs and using them as TGTs! I mean how often do we see a junior manager playing the role of a senior manager/VP  while drawing the same salary ?

But it’s done here and justified too !  

This apart , there are times when teachers are allotted subjects based on the needs of the school and not expertise of the teacher! Who loses here ? Students! The teacher struggles to get a hang of the new subject while students struggle to connect with the teacher!

Exit interviews

It is important to have a fair and constructive exit interview process. The management should chair the interview and invite suggestions and address issues of concern. Feedback of the interview should be shared with the head of the institution and constructive points should be taken into consideration.

Why did I write this article?

I am no researcher or expert in the field, but as a teacher I felt all the above and more!

On my return from work, I would often google articles on “Teachers’ Plight”, “Mental Health for teachers” “Teacher Psychology” “Work culture in schools” but to my surprise  I couldn’t find a single article that covered these topics in the Indian context.

There were a few which mentioned these issues in the passing but nothing comprehensive. Most were student-centric and catered to parents’ perspective. I was disheartened and so started penning my thoughts…

I often wondered if I was wrong in thinking too deeply or taking things too seriously as I saw teachers around me trudging their way through. But as I mentioned earlier each to his own. What may seem unreasonable to me may be the “done thing” for some others.

So, as is told to us “Take it or leave it” - I left!